The script - Changes and editor decisions

WARNING This article may have elements that may upset some

The script for Black Voyage #1 is now complete, I produced three drafts of the script to get to the version I will use to create the comic.

Version 1

The first version of the script told a very linear story that lacked a lot of detail and connection between the characters. This was noticeable in the opening scenes as there are some character introductions but it was pointed out that the dialogue was very dry and didn't establish any character dynamics.

It was also pointed out that because some elements are real events, it parts that were vague on detail should include some historical detail to make them believable.

These were points I took on board and used when writing the second draft.

Version 2

With the second draft I reworked John & Marys interactions with Elizabeth so it was more obvious that they were old friends but also a reason to be in the gardens at the time. This allowed the first half to flow smoothly with a steady pace.

The next thing I worked on was the aftermath of the incident (which will be discussed at the end)
To show why the character behaves the way she does for the remainder of the comic I needed to show a characters true colors without feeling insensitive. I took inspiration from Joe Hill's The Fireman when constructing this scene. I think I got the character's emotions and interactions just right as it wasn't undermining or over the top.

The next parts I updated were a death scene to add context to what had happened in the story and with the conclusion I changed how parts happen to justify the actions taken and the importance of objects in the story.

Version 3 Final version

After reading the script it was pointed out to me that the story was too linear which took some of the impact of the story out. So with this version I did a complete redo.

I reworked my narrative so elements would now be shown as flashbacks and in a distorted order that was still readable. This idea was inspired by films from directors like Quentin tarantino and M. Night Shyamalan.

This improved the story massively as it allowed me to cut down on filler pages and focus on the important elements of the story. It did also give me the opportunity to connect the ending more to the overall story and not feel jarring.

The second version and third also gave me the opening to research on ancient texts and books that could be included in the comic, this gave some scenes context and kept them in the realm of believability.

THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING THE NEXT SECTION COULD BE DISTRESSING FOR READERS    

The Incident

This section will talk about how I came to the decision to include this event in my comic.

The event I am talking about is that Elizabeth is sexually assaulted in the comic, this will result in her developing the mental condition Ego-syntonic meaning she feels no remorse for the actions she takes after this incident.  

I chose to included an sexual assault because I wanted to have a reason for Elizabeth to develop this condition and for the actions she takes later in the comic. I wanted the incident to have a significant impact of Elizabeth and her mind. That's why I didn't pick to physically assault her as there would be scaring and visible evidence but I wanted there to be no physical evidence so when the aftermath happens it comes as a shock to the people around her and possibly to the reader as well.

I thank you for taking the time to read this post.